I hate that I can go days without thinking of you and then out of the blue
I remember.
I hate that whenever I am alone I think of you.
I hate it that when I see you, I see me. Us.
I hate it that when I hear your name I can’t help but smile.
I hate the anxiety I get during our late night meet ups.
I hate that the anxiety goes away when we are together
because I know that at any moment we could get caught.
I hate that we can sit across from each other and pretend like nothing happened between us.
I hate that you make me say things I’ve always been scared of.
I hate that we can’t be together
because I’m full of an illness that can’t be fixed.
I hate that I love these things.
I hate that I can’t allow myself to love you.